Thanks for the uplifting letter.
Yes, I made the appointment with the back specialist from the therapist’s office! But the soonest I can see him is Aug. 8th. I am on a list for a cancellation though. I don’t have to see the surgeon, just the back specialist that sent me to the surgeon.
The pain is some less today. Thursday and Friday I took Ibuprofen, which is better for inflammation than codeine. Thursday I sat or lay down all day. Friday I went to the spa for 60 minutes of massage. Remember that gift card Paul gave me? I finally used it. The massage didn’t help the pain in the place where it is “sharp” but it did reduce greatly the “referred” pain in my legs and feet.
I am an organizer! That is why I said I have piles of stuff. I like everything neatly piled, labeled, and “findable.” I hate it when my husband dumps all of the different kinds of screws in the same can.
The trouble is that when we moved to Fairfax 6 years ago, the packers just dumped things into boxes to make packing easier. So we piled the miscellaneous boxes in the garage until I could get to them. Then Paul became paralyzed and moved into my dining room, pushing my dining room into my living room. The main focus of all of my energy was taking care of him and making the space more wheel chair friendly. Then the renters of the Chester house stopped paying rent and we discovered all of the damage they had done to our property both inside and out.
After evicting them and a year of law suits and cleaning out the mold from the Chester property, I moved down here to start the reconstructions and Tim joined me on weekends and “vacations.” In the beginning I lived here alone literally camped out in the construction site. I had a camp bed, camp stove, etc. I cooked on a camp stove or on the grill out on the deck for over a year. The entire kitchen had to be torn out and done over. It was a very big deal when I finally got the kitchen appliances delivered! The dishwasher still is not hooked up! However a bigger deal (which happened before the kitchen) was getting the bathtub in so that I could actually shower. Before that I was “sponge bathing” from the sink.
The bedroom I “finished” (not quite) first was the smallest one that was also the least damaged. Once I had it clean, painted, carpeted, etc. I moved into that room. It was the first room “finished” and gave me a place to retreat too when I could not stand the dirt any longer
The second priority was the downstairs bathroom. The walls had to be removed as part of the mold and mildew removal. It had only been a half bath before, but we decided to build it back as a full bath that could accommodate Paul’s electric wheel chair. Tim built the wooden part of the walls. I put up the sheet rock. I did the plumbing, except for the tub. He did most of that. We put up “cement board” (waterproof) around the tub instead of sheet rock and I tiled most of it. I say “most” because it is not finished. Most of the floor is finished though.
Most of this progress was during the second year after evicting the old renters. It took almost a year just to clean out the debris and pull down the moldy walls etc. Karen came down to live with me before the kitchen was done. So we took turns hauling water from the bathroom sink to two dish pans set on the table to wash the dishes. We were both really excited when the kitchen sink went in.
I gave her the little bedroom and moved my cot and eventually a BED upstairs to the master bedroom area.
She helped me tile the kitchen and living room floor. The help she did was to carry the tiles to me. Porcelain tiles are heavy and when I am tiling I can’t stand to get up and down from the floor very often. If she carries the tiles and hands them to me, the job goes faster.
As Karen and I finished a space, each time I went to Fairfax I would bring down a load of belongings from there to here. I tried to only bring things that I could find a “home” for. But eventually I wanted more stuff here, since I was living here. And things that did not yet have a “home” began to pile up. Then we started work on Karen’s trailer. So stuff for her place began to pile up too.
When she moved over there a couple of weeks ago a lot of stuff went with her. That made enough room for me to walk through the house! But now Sean is in that little bedroom and of course there is a new bunch of stuff to find “homes” for, like his guitar and golf clubs. Sean and I spent last week cleaning the carpet of the little bedroom and unpacking his clothes and books etc. Of course you know that I don’t plan on Sean remaining in that room, just for the summer.
Tim is fixing the linen closet of the downstairs bathroom. That is part of the bathroom that never got finished. So of course I had no place to put linens! Oh, the upstairs bathroom is not functional. We haven’t even STARTED on it yet! The toilet works and the sink, but not the tub. It has no door and the floor is about to go through. We are going to expand it. We chopped up a small bedroom upstairs to make half of it the “dressing room” and gave the other half to the bathroom. I have torn out most of the dividing wall but I stopped there. What I want to do is finish the downstairs bathroom, kitchen and other started projects and then turn the focus back to the master bedroom and bath. We have already bought the marble sinks that will go in that bathroom but not the jetted tub.
When Tim gets the downstairs bathroom closet finished, (hopefully this weekend) I will be able to put away the towels etc. That is more than one pile that will be moved to its own “home.”
It is so frustrating to me, because a lot of the work that needs to be done, I know how to do. I just can’t stand on a ladder, lift, carry, etc. I know that eventually I will be able to work again. It is just difficult to ignore things that I would do if I could.
Someday you will have to show me your piles of linens. I love old linens! I don’t collect them because I don’t have the room or the need for them. But I do love them. Do you have plans to use them? There are lots of things that can be made from old linens, including clothes. Or some people frame the best ones. You said you have bunches of frames….. It is difficult to throw away, sell, or give away things that have memories attached, like collections of things that belonged to someone you loved even if it is not something that you would collect yourself. I keep telling myself the item is not the person or even the memory. The item reminds me of the person. Then I ask myself would I forget these memories if I did not have the items? That helps me to let go of the stuff. It has been especially difficult for me because the children have destroyed so much of what I valued. I had to learn to let go of valuing stuff to value people. Not that I have achieved it yet, but it is part of what I work on.
The other part of my problem is the scripture “cast your bread upon the waters and it will return to you 10 fold.” I have a saying, “You can’t out give God.” I give something away and I soon have 10 of it! I give 10 away and I soon have 100. If God doesn’t give me a bigger BARN I will soon have to quit giving things away! I can’t give it away fast enough! I am surprised that you don’t have 20 lamps to replace the 2 you loaned me. Maybe it’s because you ”loaned” them to me. But if I loaned them I would probably have at least 5 to make up for the loan! 
I know it sounds funny but that is how it has always been for me. I never worry about having enough stuff! Only what to do with it until I can give it away! God has always blessed me to the point of over flowing.
That is why it is so ridiculous for me to be depressed about a little pain or illness. God is with me all of the time. He always makes a way. He always blesses me even in times of distress. When my faith is low, He sends someone to remind me of who I am in HIM and who HE is. And He is so WONDERFUL!
I have had complete strangers walk up to me in public places (more than once) to tell me that God told them to come and tell me that He loves me, or that He is going to use me in such a way. One woman came up to me in the Baltimore Aquarium and asked me to pray for her for healing! Of course I stopped and prayed for her right there! I told her if she had the faith to ask, I had the faith to pray!
God has always met my needs, even my lack of faith! If I hold out my hand, I know that I am placing it in His. I don’t wonder if He will be there. I know that He is. It is when I take my eyes off Him and concentrate on myself that I fall into depression. It is like when Peter was walking on the water. When he began to sink Jesus just took his hand. Then they both walked on the water to get to the boat. All of my life has been like that. I have my eyes on Jesus, my beloved, and I hardly notice the miracles. Then I start looking at myself and start to sink. But Jesus takes my hand and lifts me up and we walk together. There is nothing that is impossible if your hand is in Jesus’ hand. I KNOW that! It is just that sometimes my focus drift from Him to me. Like Peter though, I yell out for help and He is there! Isn’t that wonderful! He loves us just as much as he did them. In fact He told Thomas, “Blessed are those who do not see and yet believe.” He loved Thomas enough to present the wounds to him. And he does not love us less.
We are so Blessed!
Have a great day.
Rebecca
